How Full is Your Glass?

Cecilia, age 5-1/2, is an awesome big sister!

So, June has been quite a month for me! In the past three weeks, I have started not one, but two, part-time jobs. They are VERY part-time, but I'm excited for the opportunities that they are affording me. Namely, a little bit of money (which is very helpful), a chance to be with other adults, and a break from the dinner-bedtime routine (no sitter needed as I'm only working when Daddy is home) a few times a week!

I worked at a "welcome summer" festival on Saturday night serving beer at a classy new brewery in town. I loved everything about it! (And, it helps that I happen to love beer!). As I had random conversations with my fellow server and the patrons (most of whom where in a great mood as they were enjoying a lovely afternoon out), I felt alive in a way that I haven't felt in years.

Of course, I've been very much alive the past almost nine years as a stay-at-home mother. I have countless priceless memories stored up in my heart, and I wouldn't trade any of it. Even the challenges have brought me much closer to God, emotionally stronger, more adaptable to situations, and grateful for all of my blessings.

But...

There was something about being with strangers at a festival on a very humid (eventually stormy, thus suddenly ending the festival!) day in June that made me feel...happy (and younger...although I often reflect on how good it feels to be (almost!) 40). I remembered how I enjoyed waiting tables in past seasons of my life. Not because of the co-workers, mind you, but because of the customers. I enjoy making small talk with people. And, it is quite a nice feeling when those people thank you for your service and smile at you as they put a dollar or two in a tip jar (for pouring a drink, really? With six young children, I am really good at pouring drinks!). :)

The whole experience made me feel more...likable. Now, don't get me wrong. I KNOW that I am loved. The fact that God even thought of creating me is enough love to ponder for a lifetime. I am blessed to still hear my parents tell me that they love me every week, my spouse shows his love for me and our children daily (no words needed), and my children are at an age where the words, "I love you," roll easily off their little tongues. And then, there are friendships that are dear.

But, I have been in my kitchen for almost nine years. Besides the daily trips to preschool, the grocery store, and the playdates (which have been God sends, mind you!), I have wondered what it would feel like to return to the "other" world. Would I be good at anything? Would people still like me?

For four hours and 15 minutes on Saturday afternoon (before the storm closed up shop in an instant!), the answer was a refreshing, "yes"!

I am hoping and praying that the jobs will continue to work out for the employers, me, and our family.

Another positive side effect of the job happened the following morning. Because I had not seen my kids the previous evening, I was actually happy to get back to my routine. And, as the 4-year-old screamed for an hour (no lie) because his cereal had gotten too soggy (and meanie that I am, I insisted that he still eat his breakfast!) and the 3-year-old rejected every.piece.of.clothing that she owns, I really started to look forward to my next shift. ;)

Cheers!

So grateful for the man in the middle! The kids couldn't wait to give him his Father's Day gift!

Wanted: More Zeal!

Watch over with zeal and patience that portion of the Lord’s vineyard 

that has been entrusted to you!

--Pope Francis

My beautiful Cecilia in her spring dance recital! Gianna picked out a red rose for Cecilia ROSE!

Something happens to me every mid-April (well, since around 2009, that is). I start having panic attacks about summer. Instead of enjoying the beautiful spring weather (although I do appreciate that I can send my kids outside again!), I start to feel very anxious and tense knowing that summer vacation is right around the corner.

For the record, I do like spending time with my children. They are my greatest treasures and a great cause of my joy. But when I am responsible for taking care of every.single.need (including entertainment!) for six children for hours and days on end...even the thought of it makes me go a little batty! My rational brain knows that it'll be okay, but I fear that the transition might take my last bit of sanity.

I pray about it...a lot! And, I occasionally feel the fruits immediately. Other times, I wonder why in the world the Holy Spirit is letting me experience such ridiculous, overwhelming moments without rushing to my rescue!!! My 8-year-old daughter, Gianna, recently told me that she wished Mary would appear to her. I've been thinking that for years...it would be so much easier to have a conversation with Mary (or Jesus) instead of trying to explain all my mixed feelings and emotions to the clouds! :)

Here's my "baby"...I just love that she's growing up!

So, here I am writing this on my third full day of summer vacation with the kids! I felt a strong urge to write today, so perhaps I'll write more to stay sane during these endless summer days!

I randomly found the quote above on Facebook today. Pope Francis just said it to some bishops yesterday...but it really resonated with me. My house is my "portion of the Lord's vineyard." What a great privilege and blessing that the Lord has entrusted it to me. I often feel like the vineyard is a complete disaster...messes everywhere, people being mean to one another, chaos, and disorder. But, I do not need to be discouraged.

Love her innocence, smile, and laughter! Lucy, age 3

Instead, I can pray for more patience and more zeal! While I'm at it, I'll ask for more energy, more affordable/kid friendly activities that I can bring all my children to, less fighting, more contentment and peace, less anxiety, and a greater appreciation of ALL seasons of this short life. Amen. 

Happy Summer :).

Look at what happened in my husband's new hanging flower pot! It's on our front porch and the kids have a front row seat to God's beautiful nature!

New Life...

Nana and Lucy

We are having a wonderful spring. I can't believe how busy May is with all the sports practices and games, end-of-year shows and recitals, etc. I love it though! As usual, I am very nervous for June 4th which is the last day of school. I am praying for the grace to appreciate and enjoy each and every day...even when there are 90 days (or whatever!) off of school...in a row...lol!

Lucy is 3 now.  And, for perhaps the first time (sorry to say!), I am really enjoying this age! Of course, I loved and enjoyed my other children at age 3, but the meltdowns, tantrums, and stubbornness are all too present in my memories!

Lucy has those moments too, but (perhaps) I have learned to deal with them better. I am usually able to redirect and make everything good in her world again (go me..5th times a charm!).

And, she makes me laugh! Her innocence and love of simple things is contagious. The other day we driving on a street that we drive on every day (several times a day). When we were stopped at a light, she looked to the right and she saw some geese that are kept at a landscaping company (not sure why they have geese, but anyway!). Suddenly, Lucy was laughing hysterically. Of course, I joined in, not knowing why!

Then I learned it was because, "Geese do not drive cars!" I guess the thought of a goose in the driver's seat was just too much! And, it was a thought that made us both happy. I'm glad she shared.

My beautiful oldest on one of the most special days of her life!

I am also enjoying Gianna, age 8-1/2-year-old, more than usual. It could very well be because I am praying more. I haven't been blogging, but I have spent many an afternoon in prayer asking for all the graces that I need for this crazy journey! Today is May 13th, Feast of Our Lady of Fatima, so I should get off the computer to say my Rosary!

Gianna made her First Communion on Saturday. It was so beautiful to watch my oldest child receive this Sacrament. As I planned in my head what to tell her about the Eucharist, I was reminded myself of how much I am loved. I pray that her new life in Christ will transform her life!

Happy spring friends :).

Eight is Enough

I was the oldest of four children (well, I still am!). As a child, I was always well-behaved, and I modeled excellent behavior for my younger siblings. Even though we were very close in age (2-1/2-years between my youngest brother and me with twins in the middle), I knew that my mother counted on me to set the example...so I accepted the responsibility with grace and maturity from a young age.

At least this is how I remember things ;). Please note, I did not interview my mother before writing this post!

Because I was so angelic (until middle school...then I'm very grateful that anyone loved me!), I expect my oldest, who is also a girl with younger siblings very close in age, to shine in good behavior. And, in fact, according to her teachers, she does just this in school! And, I am very grateful that she stands out as a "great kid" in sports, Girl Scouts, and everything else, as well.

But, when I take her out, for example to Target with her younger siblings, we tend to have major issues. I don't even think she realizes it, but she immediately starts imitating the behaviors of her younger siblings (whining, meltdowns when I won't buy something, complaining about walking instead of riding in a cart, you name it!). And, I get much more frustrated with her than I do with the younger kids because, after all, she should know better!

Just yesterday, she was home sick from school. She wasn't so sick that she had to stay home in bed, so I ran a few errands when her brother was at preschool. One stop was to AAA to get some brochures. While I waited to be helped, we (my daughter and her two young sisters, ages 3 and 1) browsed in the little store.

There was a life-sized monkey propped up in a window display. He was wearing a safari hat and was balanced in a very odd position. I thought it went without saying, but I said it anyway. "Please do not touch the monkey." I was directing this to the 3-year-old, but maybe I should have been more specific.

A moment later, I was being helped by a kind associate. My oldest daughter walked away because she decided it would be a great idea to let her younger sisters hold/give a hug to the monkey. What the? Really? Never mind that the monkey was much larger than my 1-year-old.

I spent the next few moments mortified as we tried to get the monkey back in its spot (much easier said than done!). I settled for a kinda leaning monkey holding his hat in his lap...and got out of there.. without making eye contact with anyone...fast!

I started lecturing as soon as I started the car. I didn't stop until I felt better. After all the excuses stopped, she simply said, "I'm sorry Mom, but 8-year-olds aren't perfect."

Ouch. Suddenly 8 sounded like a small number. Certainly not an age worthy of my very high standards. She should have standards for sure, but I wondered how is it serving either of us if she's never allowing her to behave like a child without my quick judgment and correction.

This certainly isn't the first time that I've had such a realization. It's just that when one's kids are 8, 7, 5, 4, 3, and 1, one is anxious for someone...anyone...to be able to hold it together and survive a 10-minute trip to the store without drama! Ironically, usually the 5- and 3-year-olds are quite good, so maybe I can afford to give the 8-year-old a (very small) break?! And, in this instance at least, she wasn't trying to defy me, but rather to be kind to her sisters.

I need to remind myself (daily, sometimes hourly) that my oldest daughter is still a child who deserves to be a child (lest I blink and she's 18!). I constantly pray for extra graces in my dealings with her, as I need to treat her as the precious individual that she is...not the "model" that I want her/need her to be.

Tonight she had so much fun putting on the same pajamas as her younger sister. Never mind that they're Christmas pajamas in April! I loved hearing the giggles and childlike joy of two young children. For a moment, I realized that my oldest was not doing what I asked her to do. Namely, a laundry list of chores like getting her clothes ready for the next day, finishing her homework, and brushing her teeth.

But, watching a child enjoy a silly, carefree moment without the pressure of her mother telling her to hurry up and grow up already...

Priceless! Chores will always be there, but sweet moments with my young children will not. I'm glad I didn't blow it (this time!).

God, please give me all the graces that I need to treat each of my children with patience and love. Amen.

The Best Piece...

 

Here's my February post to catholicmom.com. Thanks for stopping by! I apologize for the lack of writing. My lack of free time to do what I want to do is very hard on me these days...but, I know that God wants me to pay attention to my little ones rather than what I choose. Some days are easier than others :).

I decided in early February that I now hate Valentine's Day. Now, I really don't mind a day focused on loving others...

It's just that this year, I have five young children in school. And, one of those children is in two different preschool classes. So, this means I (er...I mean, my children!) had six different classes (and 7 teachers) to prepare valentines for. And, gone are days when a little card is enough! Each valentine needs an accompanying "gift." Since we are on a tight budget, I got the biggest bag of dum-dum lollipops that I could find and called it a day!

The writing of the valentine's took several stressful afternoons. My 7 and 8-year-olds were fairly independent...after I printed out their class lists, helped them sort out the cards to have the proper number of "girl" and "boy" cards, and attached the stickers and tattoos. My 5-year-old was semi-independent. But, I had to do the whole job for the almost-3 and 4-year-olds...with a 1-year-old grabbing my leg desperately wanting to be included in the activity! Not to mention that there were six parties which required me to send in food. Enough...

As I was doing the dinner dishes the night of all the Valentine's Day parties, I was feeling relieved that it was all over. The children were delighted with their valentines, and I had run around behind them throwing away candy wrappers and broken trinkets. The house was pretty much back in order, and there was the potential of a return to "normal" (which is plenty crazy on its own!).

Then my 1st grader, Joseph, approached me. He had something in his hands and I could tell that he was very excited to give it to me. I noticed that it was a valentine as I quickly dried my hands. I remembered that I had never cleaned out the papers from his book bag that afternoon (my regular habit) as I had been obsessed with wiping out all signs of Valentine's Day. I would've found the valentine sooner if I had done that. But, then I might not have had this moment...

On the front was a big heart that had been created with little crumpled up pieces of tissue paper. It read, "I love you to pieces." On the back, he had written in his 1st grade handwriting and spelling the answer to several questions. For example, " I love it when you..."make my bed." I love it when you..."take me on vakashun (vacation)." The first answers were totally appropriate for a 7-year-old boy.

But then I read the last question. It read, I want to go with you to ____. Joseph wrote, I want to go with you to "hevin" (heaven).

Tears stung my eyes as I held him tight. He struggled to get out of my embrace and go back to playing. But, I was totally refreshed and renewed. My burdens felt light. The nagging voice that reminds me of all the ways that I'm failing was silenced. I was happy and peaceful.

Could he possibly have written a better answer? I could not think of a single solitary thing. He nailed the whole meaning of life. He wants to go to heaven!!! Every mother's prayer came to my lips: God help my sweet boy to always have the light to know and grace to do. Please protect him from all illness and accidents. Please grant him a long life doing your will. And, then to heaven for eternity.

After all, doesn't everything I do...a hundred children's valentines included...come back to this? My entire life's purpose: To get my husband and children to heaven (and please God, myself)!

I've decided that I really love Valentine's Day! And, that really rolls off the tongue since I'm writing this on February 15th!

Not the norm...

I was reading a "smell the roses" article on Facebook the other day. It was the usual about how fast our kids grow up and how we must really savor the small things that will be gone before we know it. The author had a list of things that she wishes that she could remember. For example, what her son's bedroom looked like when he was 7. This one stayed with me because my older son turned 7 just last week...and, his bedroom is nothing spectacular (but I do love the innocence of the toys...like piles of well-loved stuffed animals...I know that I will miss this stage)!

Lucy, age 2-1/2, is little Miss Independent these days! She loves to pick her clothes!!!

Her conclusion, however, was that she misses the "everyday" stuff the most, you know, the seemingly mundane things that make up the seconds, minutes, hours, days, and years. When I read something like this, it hits me...and this time was no exception. I resolved, until I came to my senses again, to really treasure (and memorize, lest I forget) the nitty-gritty of a typical day.

It lasted about an hour...or, until the baby woke up from her nap, Justin (age 4) and Lucy (age 2) started getting on each other's nerves (again), and the three older kids got off the bus and sprinted into the house leaving a trail of backpacks, shoes, gloves, and homework assignments behind them. 

Teresa gets some morning cuddles before the kids go out to the bus!

BREATHE, I thought. Don't try to store up any memories, just breathe. Say a quick Hail Mary and ready, set, GO. It was time to do what I do best...create a semblance of order while attempting to meet everyone's needs.

And then I came to my own conclusion (again!). It is this: I would probably do best to forget the "everyday" stuff and instead, to let the special moments shine brightly in my mind and heart! 

The "birthday buds" doing crafts together!

Because, at least for me, normal is crazy intense! I don't think my brain could store much without short-circuiting! I try my best, but at any given time, someone is melting, whining, fighting, crying, and/or complaining.  Of course, what keeps me going is God's grace, gratitude, and all the unexpected blessings that happen in the midst of all this chaos. At the end of the day, I could (if I had an ounce of energy left) fill a page of the blessings of the day!!! But, I don't think it would contain any "routine" moments (such as getting dressed, meals, bedtime, etc.) because they tend to bring out the worst in all of us (me included!) these days!

A birthday hug for little brother! The other little brother is not welcome in the picture!

Here's to ""survival" mode! Maybe I'll advance to "smell the roses" mode tomorrow ;).

Right where I'm supposed to be....

Don't have time to blog today, but I thought I'd share this piece that I wrote for Catholic365.com a few weeks back. Their site has wonderful material on it if you're interested! Have a blessed day!

Right where I'm supposed to be!

BY TRISH BOLSTER
12/4/2014 8:02:00 PM

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Photo Credit: Flickr/Caden Crawford

"Can I help you with that?" asked a friendly older gentlemen. I normally say "no" when strangers ask to help me, as I like to carry on the pretense that I've got it all together! However, on this ridiculously windy day, I wasn't going to say "no".

I thought it would be more fun for my very young toddler if she "drove the car" in the grocery store. She had done it the week before with her sister, an older toddler, and she thought it was marvelous. It turns out that she doesn't like it nearly as much when she's the only driver! I gave up after a few aisles of getting-louder crying, and when sympathetic glances towards my daughter turned into, "how could you?" looks towards me! So, that left me holding the child while trying to steer a full, very hard to navigate, over-sized kiddie cart with one hand. Fabulous!

As I was ungracefully loading the groceries into my minivan (and praying that the shopping cart car wouldn't take off in the wind!), the man ran across the parking lot to offer assistance. He started loading the bags into the trunk when I got the baby into her car seat. I thanked him over and over, and he said, "Oh, of course! You reminded me of my wife many years ago."

He went on to tell me that they have seven children. I said, "Oh wow! We have six." The next part of the conversation was so lovely. I believe that God put this man ever-so-briefly in my life.

"Aren't they a blessing?" he asked. The scene of my 8-year-old pouting and stomping her feet while refusing to go to school that morning flashed before my eyes. "Yes," I said enthusiastically. My baby started to fuss...er, "Absolutely!"

The man continued, "You know, you see people doing all these other things, but my children have always brought me the greatest joy." I wished him a Happy Thanksgiving as he wheeled the silly shopping cart back to the store for me.

As I drove away, all I could think about were the "other things" that people were doing. What a coincidence (or not?) that he had said this, as I've really been struggling with this lately. Most of my closest friends, all of them mothers to young children themselves, are moving on. Last year, they were always available for last minute play dates (with lots of coffee!). If I woke up without plans, I would simply send out an e-mail or two, and my day (or week) would be planned. It was a full and happy life. It was utterly chaotic and ridiculously unpredictable, but I loved being a stay-at-home mom.

This year is quite different, and I'll admit that it's hitting me kind of hard. The change came because most of my friends' "babies" are in preschool at least three or four mornings (we used to do afternoon play dates too, but homework and sports killed that!) a week. And, this frees them up for "other things." Granted, they are not the most exciting other things...there's a lot of volunteering in older children's classrooms, PTO projects, going to the gym, very part-time jobs, and enjoying child-free shopping. But, for me, it means that my once go-to friends have moved on. 

There are two mornings a week that I actually have five children in school! But, that still leaves my precious, very attached 13-month-old who loves to explore her world. This excludes me from just about...everything (besides play dates and toddler classes)! I know that I could go out and meet new friends, but this seems like too much effort on most days.

I am feeling so ready to move on to "other things" too. After two years of infertility, my husband and I welcomed each and every blessing...even the surprises...with total joy and trust in the good Lord's plan for our family. Even though this is counter-cultural, we know that God's plan will lead to our joy and (hopefully) salvation. Furthermore, I would not trade being a stay-at-home mom for anything in the world. I realize that I am lucky and that many women would love this opportunity to be with their children. 

But, recognizing and appreciating your blessings doesn't mean that you don't sometimes feel a little sad...or a little left behind, in my case. It helps to remember how Jesus must have felt when his friends weren't there for him. Not that my friends have deserted me...rather, they are just on to the next stage of motherhood! God willing, I'll get there...and much sooner than seems possible in these years of long (read: long) days and short years!

In the mean time, I'm grateful for the parking lot reminder that other things aren't always what they're cracked up to be. And, all of the joy came rushing back as I backed up my minivan and caught the smile of one of my greatest blessings! There will be always be other things, but there won't always be the blessings of this day.