Even If...

This is a picture of my brother and my two youngest kids. This post is not actually about them, but this picture is so much cuter than the ones of me (this post is about me!) lately!

I wanted to be in pictures with Gianna and Joseph on their first days of school this week. So I am...but, I just look so...big. Yes, I am 8 months pregnant. So, I know am supposed to be big(ger). But, I do not think I look attractive and radiant like some very pregnant women!!! I just think I look (and most definitely feel!)...big!

Anyway, I must look very pregnant because a number of people have asked me recently if I am due soon. And now that it's September, I can officially say that I am due next month! I am getting to the point where I tell people that I am definitely not ready for a baby (are we ever really!?), but I am more than ready to not be pregnant anymore (my body parts just alternate hurting!).

People (mostly strangers or new friends) have been asking me if I know what I am having. When I say that I do not, the answer often seems to be, "It doesn't matter!" I would be fine if they stopped there. I would agree with them!

But, they often add, "...as long as it's healthy." I know they are most often just making pleasant conversation and mean absolutely no harm...

But, I never respond. I just give an awkward half smile. Because...I still want and love this baby (just as God has made him/her)...even if he/she is not healthy.

It just makes me think of all the babies who are aborted because they are not perfect or not the right gender. And, it makes me think of our culture in general that does not value people with disabilities...although God does not make mistakes.

Of course, it is super easy for me to sit here and write this. Thank God (and I do), I have no reason to think that this baby is anything but healthy. The pregnancy is going well, and I have had two reassuring ultrasounds.

But, there is always a chance...

I do not have the grace or strength this day to even think about this as a possibility. A part of me would be devastated if there was something wrong with my baby, but...I know (thank you God for the gift of blind faith)...that it would be alright. That this baby would be a welcome and loved member of our family, and that God's plan would ultimately bring happiness and peace.

Again, this is very easy to write. But, I sincerely hope that I mean it...

Please God bless all unborn babies (healthy and not healthy)...and give all parents graces to accept the blessings that you send. I pray for an end to abortion and a change in the "culture of death" mentality.

Maybe I'll post a picture of myself...

in three months or so...ha!