Friday, April 4, 2014

Stupid and Fearless...

Finally some spring weather to enjoy!
I used to be stupid in college. Luckily, I still did very well academically. I graduated magna cum laude from Providence College in Rhode Island (which is a very good school...even if no one has heard of it where I currently live...ha!).

I am talking about some of the choices that I made from ages 18-21. When I think back, all I can say to myself is, "But for the grace of God go I!" I do have tons of fond memories of good times with my roommates whom I consider lifelong friends, and I would not trade these. I also wouldn't trade all the growing up that took place and the seeds that were planted. I faithfully attended the 9 p.m. weeknight Mass at Aquinas Chapel and I can see that God was busy working in my life because I tried to remain close to Him!

Because my kids might some day read this (I was reminded recently that once something is out there, it never really goes away!), I won't give details! But, I made some choices that I am not proud of. I have gone to Confession and I know that I am forgiven, and I daresay that I am a stronger person because of these choices...but that doesn't mean that what I did was right and that I didn't alter the plans that God had for me!

Gianna is SO crafty :)

I also used to be fearless. I realize this every time that I drive on the highway. When I was 23, I accepted a job that allowed me to travel all over the United States (and a few locations abroad) and teach reading and study skills in private schools. This job was the answer to a prayer that I hadn't even been saying at the time!

I was living in a cute little apartment with my best friend from high school and working two jobs. The first job was as a Special Events Coordinator at a college (it was my third full-time job after graduating from college two years earlier. I hated the administrative assistant and research assistant jobs that came before it!). The second job was as a waitress and I had some fun (albeit not the most upstanding) friends!

On the surface, everything was fine. I was making enough money to support myself comfortably, and I had a nice social life (although not the true love that I was seeking...). On the inside, I was pretty miserable. I felt suffocated by something, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I often thought of getting in my car and just driving away forever.

One Sunday afternoon, I was reading the Classifieds (I decided that special events planning was not for me either!), and I saw the traveling teacher job! I sent off my resume, and my excitement grew the following week after the interview. There was actually a job that I could get in my car and drive forever! And, I could teach children (I was actually an education major until my senior year when I had second thoughts!) which I always thought I might enjoy.

I was sold on a brand new exciting life and I went about getting my affairs in order. I had to break it to my best friend that I was moving out. I gladly quit the special events job and spent my final days picking up tons of waitressing shifts. I'll never forget a conversation with my mom. She just wanted to make sure that I very sure about my decisions. I appreciated her concern, but I had never been surer about anything in my life!

So, after three weeks of very intense training, I got in my car and headed (all by myself!) to Tulsa, OK. It was absolutely exhilarating! I've written about these experiences in this blog over the years, so I won't repeat them here. I spent an amazing month in Tulsa before heading (again, all by myself!) to San Jose, CA. The rest of the year was spent in different states until I landed in Washington D.C. the following June and met my husband!

Who gets in the car and drives across the country (multiple times) by herself (without knowing a soul when you arrive)? I guess I do! Fearless!!!!

Today was "Cap and Gown" picture day at is that possible!?

Today, I can confidently say that I am neither stupid nor fearless!

I am keenly aware of my countless blessings. I would not do anything stupid to jeopardize all that has been entrusted to me! I live a very straight and narrow it boring if you want! I want my life to be rightly ordered and peaceful (well, I can dream...!).

And, every time I get on the highway (especially because there always seem to be large semi-trucks coming up behind me VERY fast...just inches from the precious cargo in the back of my vehicle)...I can't believe that getting on the highway used to bring me a great rush of freedom.

That feeling has been replaced with plenty of fear...and tons of prayers for safety and protection. Funny that I don't remember asking for protection when it was just me driving across the country...I guess it was the infamous invincible feelings of youth!

Oh well, at least I'm wise now (ha...I wish!). Hope you're having a blessed Lent. Thanks for reading!

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