Friday, September 27, 2013

Feeling like a man (I'm guessing...)

This picture has nothing to do with this post...except I remembered that pregnant women aren't supposed to be in petting zoos (as I was taking this picture)...woops!

I am 36 weeks pregnant now. And, I'm SO ready to have baby next to me and not in me!

But, as much as I would like to have baby out as soon as he/she is full-term (God willing) next week, I need to worry about childcare. I told my husband that he could just drop me off at the hospital if need be (if the baby comes unexpectedly before family arrives to help). He really didn't like that idea!

Truth be told, I hate it too...but, I would have much more peace of mind knowing that my children at home were okay and no one was being inconvenienced for too long (I am blessed with amazing friends who I know will help in any way that we need...but, they all have their own families, so we certainly don't want to burden anyone!).

It's so out of my hands! I need to trust that everything will happen exactly as God wants...even though I'm terrible at letting go of control...especially when it comes to my kids (aren't we all, moms!?).

So, when I say I'm ready to have baby out...I'm definitely talking about physically. I am excited to get my body back! Of course, it won't look like I want it to for quite some time...but, at least I will be able to bend over, get off the couch without a big fuss, and sleep (I actually sleep much better...even feeding baby every few hours...than I do in the third trimester!).

I am NOT talking about emotionally. I know that a lot of women are MORE emotional when they are pregnant. And, hormones are to blame. But for me...for whatever is the complete opposite. 

When I am pregnant, I am very steady emotionally. There are no cycles to mess up my hormones and moods, impulses, etc.! I joke that I feel "like a man" must feel all the time! And, I love it. I am not overly emotional about things at certain times of the month...and everyone in my life really benefits!!! It is something that I am very sad to see go...because, even though I receive progesterone injections which are life-saving for me emotionally during the postpartum phase, my cycles are soon to return because of this (despite breastfeeding).

And, cycles mean dealing with myself as less than the person, wife, and mom that I want to be...once a quick month for at least a week. Hormone profiling has been invaluable (anyone interested should look into Naprotechnology created by Dr. Hilgers) to help, I can function. But, it's not perfect and I still miss that aspect of pregnancy (of course, I haven't had to miss it long yet...ha!).

I bet you've never heard a 9-month pregnant woman say that she feels like a man before, huh!? HA!

I pray that God will safely deliver this baby into our family...and that I will not be anxious about all that is out of my control. As we all know, worry adds nothing fruitful to our lives. I would appreciate any prayers!

St. Gerard, please pray for me and my baby, and for all women (especially those suffering from loss of a child or infertility). 

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